New from Hegemony Industries...

We here at Hegemony Towers are always looking out for our loyal customers.

So much so that we have turned our wisdom to more pressing issues than "Which beer should I drink next?".

After a lot of research (watching all seven series of "The West Wing"; reading a series of unfunny Martin Rowson cartoons; finding an article in The Economist that doesn't have the argument "the solution is more capitalism"), we present to you the first in our ongoing series of "suggestions to solve the world's ills".

The War on Drugs - after much consideration, the Hegemony Thinktank has come up with a 3 step plan for you....
(1) Legalise all drugs.
(2) Make any conversations about what fun drugs are illegal, on pain of death
(3) only allow said drugs to be served in working mens clubs. After the fourth pint of mild.

This will have the added bonus of reviving a side of the economy currently suffering from the after-effects of the smoking ban.

Israel and Palestine - a two state solution obviously presents problems. A one state solution has the problem that it could leave one side out in the cold. So...

One state. Write the name "Israel". But pronounce it "Palestine".

There, everyone happy.

The War on Terror - Look, Osama and his crew are not going to be happy unless they have the Caliphate back. Which is an unrealistic expectation in the real world.

Ooooh. Now. You see, Mr B-L is obviously technologically literate. And, as well as this, as that whole 9-11 thing shows, he has an understanding of that whole Baudrillard, society of the spectacackle, we are all living in a virtual world thang.

So, I present...Second Life: The Jihad Edition. Perfect. Get Osama and his buddies hooked up, in those funky VR headsets, like what they had in Lawnmower Man. They can wander round a totalitarian, clerico-fascist heaven. Meanwhile, the rest of us can get on dealing with the important shit, like that whole food-water-air deal. Jobs a good un.

Come back next week, and we will solve global warming, Broken Britain, The Credit Crunch and why ITV never has anything watchable on a Saturday night.

It's a simple idea, and i am sure everyone will think of a way around it...

But serious, whats to stop every single non-white now joining the BNP, taking it over and changing it's name?

I suggest BMP. British Muslim Party.